Troubles of a Fake Foreigner
Okay, let's call it a day.
We're going to have a quiz next class.
Be sure to memorize the words we worked on today.
Seriously, those two never say a word when we're in class.
And thanks to that...
Olivia-san.
Hey, have you gotten used to Japanese yet?
S-Slowly.
People still think I don't speak Japanese fluently.
She's gotten a bit better than in the beginning, right?
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, and there's something I wanted you to help us with from class today...
Again!
N-Native English and exam English might be a bit different.
Really?
So you're better off asking the teacher.
Okay, we'll do that.
Thanks.
Hanako! Hanako! Hanako!
Olivia...
It's break time. Let me sleep.
Wait, wait!
Talk to me more!
People have gotten used to the idea that I'm not fluent in
Japanese because you're always sleeping!
Who cares?
Is there something wrong with that?
There is!
This whole thing about me being deficient in Japanese
has made my entire school life a total pain!
Could you please tell everyone the truth, Hanako?
How?
Like, go into that group of popular girls and be, like,
"Hey, did you know? Olivia-chan's apparently totally fluent in Japanese."
Casually start spreading rumors.
They'd probably make it spread really fast.
Asking me to do that is like asking me to jump from this second-floor window
and land cleanly on my butt.
What does that even mean?
It means it's impossible.
I wish she wouldn't use an example that seems weirdly possible for her.
Just help me out, please! Do something!
Jeez, now break time's over.
And then what happened?
Functions of the female body
I shouldn't have come up with such an idea...
N-Nice to meet you.
I can't wait to get to know everyone better.
N-Niced to meeted you.
I tensed up and said that totally wrong!
Okay, Olivia-san, please take that empty seat over there.
Okay.
Oh, Honda-san, since she's your neighbor,
I want you to teach her about the school after classes are over.
Th-Thank you.
I refuse!
I refuse <3
Wait, I meant to say I'll give you refuge!
I swear! Believe me you must!
Why are you speaking so broken, too?
I-I may be inadequate, but I shall show you around the school after classes.
Your Japanese is very good, Olivia-san.
Th-Thank you...
This girl could be fun.
I found me a new toy!
I was so stupid for thinking that!
Now everyone in class thinks that's who I am!
Olivia's broken English act is funny. I wouldn't mind her keeping it up.
But I guess if it's messing up her life, I should probably clarify things for her.
I just came up with a good way to start a rumor!
Olivia actually speaks really good Japanese, apparently!
This is it!
A pass-it-down letter!
I'll just send it around and pretend it didn't come from me!
I'm so smart!
Hey, I just got this letter.
Read it and pass it down.
She could just use LINE if she wants to spread rumors.
Huh, I never knew.
Really, huh?
Hey, read this and pass it down.
Hey, I never knew.
I think I'll try talking to her normally next time.
Wait, Olivia-san sits in front of me, so...
Read this and pass it down.
What's this?
Wh-Who wrote this?!
Olivia-san's worked so hard to maintain her persona!
Who the hell is trying to ruin it for her?!
Olivia actually speaks really good Japanese, apparently!
Like that other time...
You get perfect grades on your English exams, right?
N-Not really.
Normal English and exam English aren't always the same.
Note: This is all she ever says
This is all she ever says.
Really? For example?
L-Like...
Godzilla.
That one's Japanese to begin with.
Although you can make perfect sense of that.
My eyes hurt!
I have an owie in my eyesies!
Sorry, I'm going to go poo!
O-Okay.
"Olivia-san's pretty awesome!
She actually sounded like a foreigner."
...or so they said.
And it's that character she put on that gave her a good amount of personal space.
If people find out she's fluent in Japanese,
and she ends up fitting in with everyone...
Oh, sorry, the basketball club invited me, so I'm headed over there.
And then the Pastimers Club will be...
I'm jealous of the popular kids.
Hell no!
I don't want to end my precious middle school life just staring at her melted face!
I like things the way they are!
I need to put an end to this letter!
Olivia actually speaks really good Japanese, apparently!
Should I not pass it down?
No, if it stops at me, I'll end up taking the heat.
All right, I'll rewrite it.
It should all work out if I play stupid later.
I have to make her seem like an unapproachable, highly-sought-after princess.
Um...
There.
Hey, could you read this and pass it down?
Um, is this...
You there.
What is that?
Um...
Let me see.
Olivia is apparently fluent in Japlish!
Olivia is apparently fluent in Lincos!
Japlish
Lincos
Amazing.
O-Olivia-san...
Is this true?
It's gotten even worse!
I-It's not!
It's a lie!
Oh, it's not true?
Too bad.
Everyone, passing letters around during class is banned.
Okay.
Pastimers Club
Why did you deny that earlier, Olivia?
Seriously.
I made you seem like a princess.
Huh?
Asobi Asobase
A Dutchey Wife
And so, Olivia-san
will be representing our class in the school English speech contest next week.
Applause, please.
My life is over.
What do I do?!
C-Congratulations.
I'm screwed!
Death is my only option!
You had unanimous support thanks to the president's endorsement.
Why didn't either of you stop them?
Well, I thought I should, but...
But everyone seemed happy, so I couldn't bring myself to bring it up.
I didn't have the courage.
I'm sorry, Olivia-san.
It's okay, I get it.
Don't be so hard on yourself.
Olivia-san...
Why didn't you say anything, Hanako?
Er, I did think I should stop them, too,
but seeing the situation you caused for yourself get so out of hand...
I was so busy trying not to laugh, I couldn't do anything else.
You're like a peanut-brained animal that got caught in its own trap.
I'm not forgiving you!
Pfft
What do I do?
Please, what do I do?
I think you should start studying now.
Th-That's right.
You still have time.
Yeah.
An honest effort never betrays you.
Let's start now.
Guys...
I don't want to study!
I don't want to do it!
What is this kid, stupid?
Hey, but it's better than doing nothing.
It's no use!
It would only really take me from a one to a 1.5.
A one can never become a nine!
That's such a trashy thing to say, but I understand the reasoning.
I want to take a shortcut.
A week!
I need a way to become fluent in a week!
I-I'd like to know, if there's such a way.
So I do have no choice but to die!
Hang on.
Let's use my ultimate weapon, then.
Calling Maeda...
How may I serve you, Hanako-san?
Stop popping up like that! You're going to give me a heart attack!
Well, I do spend my life adhered to you.
Wait, you aren't that surprised this time, Kasumi-san.
Well...
I could see him.
No wonder you were sitting at a weird angle!
I heard your discussion.
Oh, yeah, so could you help?
Also, creepy.
Understood. And not creepy.
And then what happened?
What's this?
A cutting-edge android, built by upgrading the robot Kouichi-kun,
which Hanako-sama destroyed before.
Olivia-Newton-Einstein.
Huh?
What's up, Olivia?
Aren't you impressed?
Um, so...
Its face is a lot like the one Dad used to have.
Your father?
He got in a huge fight with Mom about it.
What was it?
A derby doll?
I don't think it looks alike.
You know of it, Maeda?
Yes.
Your grandfather had several.
It looks like those ones?
Not at all.
I absolutely didn't scan the faces of one of your grandfather's secret s*x dolls.
Wait!
Why didn't you put more effort into making it, Maeda-chan?!
It's your grandfather's favorite one.
Hey, it looks enough like you, though.
Hanako!
So how functional is it?
Hanako-sama, say something to it in English.
H-Hello.
Whoa!
It's actually Olivia's voice!
Yes.
Your grandfather is fluent in English,
so I asked him to speak, and I modulated it with Olivia's voice.
How are you?
That's amazing! It's so fluent!
It pronounces "six" perfectly!
Wow, Hanako-san, you can actually understand it!
Can you talk to it about anything?
I've programmed it with all the words Grandfather knows, so yes, to an extent.
Sorry I'm late, everyone.
Huh?
What's this?
Sensei, look, isn't it awesome?
Grandpa and Maeda built an Olivia that speaks perfect English.
Huh.
But aren't you competing, Olivia-san?
No way.
I don't want to study.
This is good enough.
It'll make everyone happy.
B-But you might get better if you work hard enough.
The hell! This person's so vulgar!
D-Does it know any proper words?
I've only programmed it with the slang that Grandfather knows.
Did you just say slang?!
Then we should be able to program it with this speech really quick, right?
Right.
We can start programming it with decent words, right?
That's right.
The android's become self-aware! It's asserting itself!
What do we do?
What do we do now?
I'll die.
Olivia looks like the android!
Okay.
You don't have to.
Calm down.
So what do we do now, Sensei?
We only have one option.
And so they had the best English-speaker in class take over.
Huh? Olivia-san hurt her throat? And I have to take over?
Sure.
We should have done this to begin with.
Asobi Asobase
Genetic Engineering
Faculty Room
I'm sorry, Sensei!
I won't do it anymore! Please let me have it back.
This is the fifth time you said you wouldn't do it anymore.
School policy forbids you from bringing manga into school.
I'm confiscating this.
I've also contacted your parents.
You already did?
Yes, I called your home.
But Mom and Dad are both at work.
Your older brother responded as your guardian.
He said he'd be here later to apologize.
Pastimers Club
Your brother's coming to school?
Yeah.
I never knew you had an older brother.
I can't help buying manga magazines along with lunch at the convenience store.
You could leave it in the club room and read it during lunch.
I can't help it. I keep wondering what happens next.
Olivia's brother, huh?
I wonder what he's like.
He's hot! He must be hot!
I have such high expectations.
Crap, I can't calm down!
He probably looks like DiCaprio.
Hey, does your brother have a girlfriend or anything?
I don't think he does.
Score!
Is he in high school?
Nah, he's quite a bit older than me.
He graduated early from Mom's and Dad's college.
He has two PhDs.
That's amazing.
I never understand half of what he's saying.
But he's so fun. I love him.
I like that you two are so close.
Really?
Yes.
I've never felt like that way about my sister.
My brother's never said anything like that about me, either.
Olivia's brother...
This could be good!
He probably has a good personality, if she's so attached to him.
I wouldn't mind having Olivia call me "Onee-chan!"
I'd like two children or so.
Hanako, 14-years-old, currently hammering out her wicked life plans.
Hello?
You're here already, Onii-chan?
You're at the gate?
The guard won't let you in?
Okay, I'll come get you right now.
Okay, so I'll be back.
We'll come with you.
Right, Kasumi-san?
Olivia's brother is probably as good as 2D, so just think of him as an anime character.
I see.
So, like, guard x Onii-san.
That's it.
Caressing, entangled, squeezing, getting squeezed...
There he is.
He's with the guard over there.
Onii-chan!
Olivia!
Strike down this barbarian!
Onii-chan!
This guy's really your brother?!
That's what I kept telling you.
You pedestrian fool.
My apologies.
Oy vey.
This is why I despise the lower world.
What's the "lower world"?
What is this?
H-Hanako-san, uh...
This might be a rude thought, but...
Are those two even related?
That's it!
Olivia!
Wait up, Hanako-san!
You can't just ask her directly.
It might be a delicate situation.
But...
All right, fine.
I'll ask her subtly.
Hey, hey, Olivia, did you adopt him from Akihabara or something?
Hanako-san!
Wait, did you think we aren't related?
People say that a lot these days.
What a silly question.
We are indeed bro and sis.
But the color of your hair...
Flaunt not your ignorance, child with no knowledge of Mendel's law.
You would not be at all surprised if you were to consider our
father and mother's genes.
Behold, my pure blue eyes, same as my sister Olivia.
He's right.
So, where be the faculty room?
It's upstairs.
I'll take you there. Follow me.
What's wrong, Onii-chan?
Are you tired?
No, I'm fine.
The scent of middle school girls is so powerful,
it gives me a tingle where I took an arrow to my knee.
Praise be to raw middle schoolers.
Oh God, he's so gross!
And then what happened?
Faculty Room
It is an honor to be in your presence.
I am but Olivia's humble older brother, at your service.
Why does he talk like that?!
Right...
So you're Olivia's brother, from the phone call earlier.
Huh?
He seemed a lot more normal on the phone.
Is the magazine confiscated from Olivia still well in your keep?
Oh, this one?
Weekly Young Chokotto Comic
Olivia-san brings it with her, no matter how many times she's told not to.
I sincerely apologize.
I intend to give her a more powerful scolding going forward.
So may I ask that this magazine is returned to us?
No, I can't do that.
For mercy's sake...
But, uh...
For mercy's sake!
I absolutely must read the rest of Mahou Shoujo Pretty Kiss on Chokotto Comic!
I must find out if Pretty Kiss' friend, Frenchy Kiss,
who was captured by the evil Erotica Army, is safe or not!
It was as though the silence had frozen in place for all eternity.
"Why not buy another copy?"
"Couldn't you buy a copy online if you're too embarrassed to?"
Those were the words that had been awaiting release at my throat,
but having seen him here,
at his younger sister's school, kissing the floor as he pleads,
it was no longer clear to me that it would be appropriate.
These must have been the thoughts flowing through our minds that day.
Excerpt from "Hanako's Magnificent Life," Hakusensha Publishing.
All right, fine.
I'll give it back.
Sensei probably didn't want to have anything to do with this.
Play
And then what happened?
Good for you, Olivia-san.
Faculty Room
Yeah.
Sorry, though, Onii-chan.
Such humiliation is in fact a treat, for Pretty Kiss' sake.
Besides, I got to make acquaintances with raw middle schoolers.
It's not terrible, descending to the lower world once in a while.
Miss Hanako, Miss Kasumi, may I ask that we exchange LINE contacts?
It's too awkward to say no!
All right, fine.
I have an old school phone, so I don't have LINE.
No fair, Kasumi-san!
That evening
Hanako-san, good evening, this is Olivia's brother.
Thank you for your help this day.
Olivia's onii-chan's messaging me already.
"Hello, no problem."
It is as though I am dreaming, having met such a beautiful woman as you.
My sister is still immature.
She may well cause the two of you much trouble going forward.
If there is ever anything you need, please feel free to come talk to me.
Even if the whole world becomes your enemy, I shall be your ally.
The next day
Hey, your brother's pretty badass when he's in the phone.
"In the phone"?
Want to see more pictures I got of him in my phone?
Don't show me his whole body!